


Andraste’s Mabari

by louderswine



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Drinking, Drunkenness, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-07
Updated: 2015-10-07
Packaged: 2018-04-25 07:17:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4951462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louderswine/pseuds/louderswine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sera thinks that Cullen is too wound up, so she and the Iron Bull decide to get him drunk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Andraste’s Mabari

When Cullen entered the Herald’s Rest, it was simply to check on his soldiers. Some had been coming to their shifts late or drunk and not paying any mind to his orders at times. That had been the plan if the massive force that was the Iron Bull hadn’t intercepted him.

“The men need to relax,” the Iron Bull told him. “They’re wound from the last mission and need a bit of time.”

“Corypheus isn’t going to relax,” Cullen replied sternly, “so we shouldn’t either.”

“We ain’t Coryphe-piss,” a bright, chipper voice came from above him. “Got to relax. We can’t all have sticks up our arses, yeah?”

Cullen looked up to see the sprightly elf, Sera, was peering down at him. She had the nerve to smile at him, making it clear the last part was about him. Crossing his arms over his chest, he huffed indigently.

“I don’t have-” Cullen cleared his throat, the sentence making him uncomfortable. “I do _not_ have a stick up my ‘arse’. I am merely busy.”

The Iron Bull placed a hand on his shoulder. “I mean this in the nicest way, but you wouldn’t know how to relax even if it strapped you down and tickled your balls.”

Blush formed on Cullen’s cheeks, hand flying up to rub the back of his neck. “Even with the graphic imagery, your point is invalid. I’ll have you know that I am perfectly capable of relaxing. I do it all the time, in fact.”

“Then prove it.”

“Prove it?”

“Yeah, come have a drink with me and the Chargers. Unwind with me and the men.”

The hand on his neck moved to rub over his face as his eyes went to where the rest of the Chargers sat. They waved at him, pulling out a chair, motioning him for him to sit down. Cullen sighed and shook his head.

“Just the one,” Cullen relented. “Then I have to promptly get back to my duties.”

* * *

With a yawn, Lavellan stretched as she got up from her desk, deciding that she would finish her reports later. She knew that her work as Inquisitor was important, but she was sure that she would go insane if she had to hear one more complaint. One day, she was going to snap and tell one of the nobles how she truly felt.

Instead, she decided to settle for going to Commander Cullen’s office. The two of them had been seeing each other for quite some time and had recently become more intimate in their relationship. It was all behind closed doors where no one could see, but she was happy enough.

However, Cullen wasn’t in his office. He wasn’t in the War Room or practicing with Cassandra. She would have checked with Lelianna, but the cheers from the Herald’s Rest caught her attention. She made her way to the door when she heard the slurred words of “Andraste’s Mabari” through the oak door.

Lavellan opened the door with a small frown and gasped when she saw Cullen on top of a table that someone had pushed into the middle of the room. People clapped as he butchered the song while Maryden strummed behind him. Only part of his armor was on, the furry mane, and his flushed face indicated that he was piss drunk.

“There she is,” he said, his words still a bit sing-songy as he caught sight of her. “The most beautiful woman in all of Thedas comes to grace us with her magnificent presence.”

Though is sounded sarcastic, his gaze said otherwise as he stared at her as if she was the only one in the room. She blushed and moved forward. Unfortunately, he mimicked her actions and promptly fell off the table.

Cullen sprung to his feet. “I am fine!” he announced, to which the whole tavern cheered.

“Creators,” Lavellan chuckled, “what has gotten into you?”

“A bit of the Bull’s special- special... Special whatever it’s called.”

“I’m not going to envy you in the morning.”

“We’ll see about that.” He pressed a sloppy kiss into her cheek before shouting out, “Mayhem!”

“Mayhem!” Scout Harding replied, lifting her mug to him.

Cullen stumbled over to Harding as the Iron Bull pressed another drink into his hand. He began to chug it down, egged on by the Chargers and other patrons around him. While he did so, Sera came up beside Lavellan to pass her a drink.

“It’s good, right?” Sera asked her.

“Don’t tell me you’re behind this,” she said, unable to hide her smirk.

“Had a bit of help, but yeah. Work ain’t good if you got to worry about the high-ups with sticks a mile long in their arses. Now they see he’s one of them. He’s a little person made big, just like you.”

“Thank you, Sera.”

“Anything for you and your Cully-Wully,” she teased light-heartedly.

Lavellan stifled a laugh just as Cullen finished the drink. He slammed the mug down on the table before he launched into “Andraste’s Mabari” again. Most of the tavern began to sing with him, practically yelling the parts they knew while mumbling the lyrics they’d forgot.

* * *

The next morning, Cullen could barely open his eyes as the pounding in his head throbbed mercilessly. He blearily reached out for something until he found the press of a mug against his lips. The liquid poured down his throat tasted horrible, but the pain in his head subsided enough to see Lavellan sitting in his bed next to him with an amused grin on her face.

“I think they’re getting worse,” he said solemnly. “The lyrium-”

“Stop being so overdramatic,” she chastised him. “You just have a hangover.”

“A hangover? I never get drunk.”

“You did last night.”

Blush filled his cheeks as he remembered the events of the other day with the Iron Bull taking a blow to Cullen’s pride to convince him to have a drink. He could recall the mug being nearly endless, not even realizing that Krem had continued to refresh his drink while he wasn’t paying attention. It was then that everything began to get fuzzy, though he did remember something about a mabari for some reason.

“Maker’s breath,” he cursed as he hid his face in his hands. “I made a complete fool out of myself, didn’t I?”

“Only a slight one.”

“How am I to face my men? My reputation is ruined.”

“Well, you don’t have to face them just yet. Jim said he’d cover for you.”

Cullen peeked out from behind his fingers. “Cover for me?”

“Yes, cover. He’s going to re-route all of your reports so no one will notice that you’re not in your office. They also have gone through their morning routines and are at their posts.”

“What?” Cullen sat up, resting his wrists on his knees. “Why?”

“Why are they doing their jobs?”

“Yes, I mean, no. Before, they would have grumbled at having to do their morning routines.”

“Maybe they realized that you’re a man just like them, and that you stretch yourself thin for their sake, that you needed a break, too. Maybe they realized you’re not so scary or mean after all.”

He chuckled and raised an eyebrow. “Oh, I wouldn’t go that far.”

“I don’t find you frightening. In fact, you’re quite charming.”

Humming softly, Cullen leaned forward to cup her cheek before pressing a small kiss into her lips. Lavellan kissed him back, a hand going up to run through the loosened curls on his head. A sigh escaped his lips as she pulled back, resting her forehead against his.

“Though,” she said, her voice low and seductive, “do you know what I find particularly sexy?”

A smirk tugged at his lips, pulling up his scar. “And what would that be?”

“Your rendition of Andraste’s Mabari, especially when you sing it off-key.”

As she spoke, Cullen’s memory of the night before returned. His ears turned red as Lavellan fell over laughing. Grabbing the pillow off his bed, he hit her with it. That didn’t stop her laughing as she grabbed a pillow to hit him back.

Cullen blocked her second blow but missed her third as it struck his gut. He huffed doubling over, but when she neared to check on him, he hit her with the pillow. She fell off his bed with a yelp, sprawling on the floor unceremoniously.

Lavellan glared at him as she righted herself. “You do know, Commander, that this means war.”

Twirling his pillow, Cullen grinned. “If war is that you desire then it is war that you will get.”

A grin passed over her lips as her pillow smacked him in the face. He groaned loudly but didn’t let that distract him from his goal of victory. She huffed and wheezed when he knocked her down to the bed. Their battle was far from over, though, neither side wishing to concede.

* * *

The grunts and groans carried through the training grounds, making many of the men blush or cheer as they heard their commander enjoying himself from his room. The Iron Bull leaned against the fence post, watching the men with a small smile on his face. He barely heard Sera approach as she slid silently to sit on the fence next to him.

“We did good, right?” Sera asked smugly.

“Very good, but they aren’t having sex,” the Iron Bull said. “The grunts are too pained, not enough moaning.”

“Doesn’t matter.” She waved a hand dismissively. “As long as they think they’re doing the dirty, that’s all that does.”

“Suppose so. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was disappointed.”

“We could go up there. Throw things. Through the hole, I mean. Got a giant one in the ceiling, he does. Just ripe for the throwing.”

“How would that get them to have sex?”

“Didn’t say it would. Just like throwing things is all.”

The Iron Bull let out a hearty laugh, clasping Sera on her back. “This is why I like you.”

They both grinned, and Sera slid off the fence so the two of them could slink away from the men. A few hours later, Cullen’s screams of rage rang out from his tower loft, echoing through the courtyard. Several of the men snickered while others looked on in confusion, but most simply shrugged as it was just another day with the maniacs who had holed up in Skyhold.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
